‘So no one told you life was gonna be this way.’ A quote from one of the most well known songs on the planet and the theme tune of one of the most popular shows across the world which i’m pretty confident almost everyone has seen. But this lyric (and generally the whole song) couldn’t ring more true really. This isn’t what I expected from life? Is it what you were expecting? Is it what you planned for? The new year is generally a time for reflection and a lot of people start setting new years resolutions to make positive changes in their lives and that’s great. But lets be honest — most of these are never achieved. My brother is a very committed gym goer to the point where he was genuinely disappointed they were closed on Christmas Day and he dreads going in January because he says it is so busy with all the people that have made resolutions to lose weight in the new year. Come February i’m sure the gym is almost back to normal. I 100% used to be one of those people. My life so far has been filled with things I had the best intentions for when I started but never finished and every single thing I have beat myself up for and made myself feel endlessly guilty about. So I don’t make new years resolutions anymore because i’m trying to stop this endless cycle of hating myself. Im trying badly to stop living for the future and live for now. It’s good to make plans and goals but it’s not good to endlessly hate yourself when you don’t achieve them immediately. And most of the time the only reason thats happening is because it’s just not possible for them to be achieved immediately. Anything worth achieving takes a long time and a lot of commitment. And thats what I’ve always struggled to accept. I have never been able to start something by saying right, this is going to take continued hard work from me, I start something one day and the next day am bitterly disappointed when it’s not almost done with.
About a year and a half ago now (wow, can’t believe it’s been that long) me and my ex broke up which was a mutual split and very amicable but what was hard was me being on my own for the first time and having to mourn the life I thought I had ahead of me. I am not ashamed to say I struggled but I am proud to say I made very positive changes in this time, I worked hard and I didn’t give up in times when I felt like there was nothing else to do but give up. For this first time in my life I am actually proud of myself and I am not ashamed of the person I see in the mirror. It has been a hard journey and I know it is something I need to continue to work at because it is easy to slip back into old habits but the difference is now i’m not afraid that I will stop giving it my all. I have faith in myself because of everything I have already achieved and because I now value myself.
So overall when people have asked me what my new years resolution is for 2015 I’ve simply said: ‘To continue with the positive changes I made to my life last year.’
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